It’s been approx 18 months since I got diagnosed with prostate cancer.

It was devastating news at the time. I wondered how much future I had and how it would effect my retirement, and quality of life.

Within 4 months I was prescribed medication for ADT therapy. Which I am still on, and projected to be on for two years.

On Sept 2024 I began radiation treatment for 6 weeks, with 23 sessions.

The side effects were very difficult to deal with but I think I’ve recovered as best I could.

Zolodex injections every 12 weeks.

Oncologist said although I’ve taken radiation I will be monitored for up to 10 years with with monthly blood test to monitor my PSA. So far it’s be good, with my reading almost negligible. Great news.

Obviously this journey has impacted my mental and emotion being, and I try very hard to keep balance in those areas.

My physical well being although I am 75 years, old soon to be 76, I feel I am managing as best I could. Although I feel I should be doing more, physically, which I am hoping to do once spring arrives…

I must say my family, Christine, sons and daughter have been very supportive, and I definitely feel the love and support.

Our older grandsons and and granddaughters have been amazing, and I feel so much gratitude.

Whatever I have in my future, I will be forever grateful for this love and support.

I must say it is difficult.

Always gauging your actions to Ayok, ancient laws, there is no doubt in my mind that adhering to Ayok leaves a measure of stress in my life. Hence the saying, hugwili_yin, tread softly but with confidence.

There are some things in my life, that are untouchable, in order to ensure the security of future generations for our nation, Gitxsan. These are what will continue to maintain our sovereignty as Gitxsan, based on our culture and Gitxsan Philosophy.

I must at all times be vigilant of my actions and decisions, in regards to how it will impact Gitxsan Sovereignty on the land, laxyip. Taking money from resources corporations in exchange for their unencumbered access to Gitxsan Laxyip and resources, such as timber, minerals, food sources, goes against Gitxsan inheritance laws.

I must protect the land, to ensure the future generations have equal opportunities and freedoms as I enjoy today. This can be in keeping the land clean and the air clean, and the water clean, and respect it’s importance in keeping my family, community and other inhabitants safe and thriving.

I must, as an elder and hereditary leader to keep our genealogy clean and be Alway vigilant of intermarriages, khaats. I realize now that arranged marriages were important to maintain these lineages clean from khaats conditions. Alliances were important for economic and social security for the families or extended families.

Our land, Laxyip, is our Fort Knox for family wealth. This has been passed down for generations and I must never break that trust, for my personal gain or put future generations inheritance in jeopardy.

Although my path in this life is to walk a very narrow path of proper living, it is even more important to my role as Simoigyet, The button blanket, gwila, must never be worn in conflict of those inherent trusts placed on me by house, wilp.

These are some of the many strict guidelines or, ayok, that I must continually measure my life to.

Hello

Since I have embrace my retirement from the building trades, I have struggled with time management. I have so much time on my hands. Since I have made my mind to completely take building contracting from my life, I am constantly searching for other means to keep me occupied.

In my younger years, going as far back as elementary school, I like drawing and creating images from my personal viewpoint.

So now I am drawn back to those memories, and remembering how I felt, moving into a world of imagination and fantasy. During my teen years I enjoyed wood carving and even dabbled in west coast native designs and carvings, until I was swept along into making a life in building construction, raising a family, and just generally in survival mode for sixty years.

Photography, capturing images with light and composition for impact and the moments in my life. My photographic journey has been to document my life in pictures, and the lives of those that I love, our children, grandchildren, great grandchildren.

So now, I am rediscovering these and picking up where I left, and now find some sense of purpose.

I have accumulated photographic equipment over the years and upgraded to current technology, so the opportunities for a vast range of manipulations for the images has been amazing. I am only limited by my own imagination.

Wood has been a part of my life forever, in construction, art, tools etc. So it was only natural to have wood to bring my imagination to life with carvings, as I did with construction.

Currently I am working on a wooden staff with a salmon theme, an idea from my daughter, Michelle. Salmon is one of the pillars of food sovereignty for the Gitxsan, so it felt natural to include it in my art and sculptures.

I have thousands of images from photography film and now digital that I have to curate. A hardcover book or canvases printed from my images are in the works

So I have much to do.

I’ve helped with fishing on the Skeena River w my friend for a few years.
Also my uncle Frank, when I was growing up. It was just a way of life back then, to help one another.
We didn’t have the motor for our big wooden boat. Byron and I pulled that boatload of salmon upstream until Uncle Frank was able to row across the river back to our mooring site. Then I spend most of the day packing salmon up the trail, cutting and dressing the salmon, ready for canning, there was no jars then. Fishing season was busy times, not to mention tending the garden, weeding and watering.
Community members would come by and help themselves to salmon, just for a fresh feed or help with their winter supply.
It’s good to see the band office help where they can now. Especially now when our generation is getting older and not able to maintain the level of service to our community as we were able back in the day.
Sadly the younger generation are picking up those skills, fishing, hunting, later in life , as they pursue other activities, like education, bringing in cash for essentials for their young families, even moving to larger centres for those conveniences.
Now we have to put out cash for gas, maintaining nets, insurance even before we can get on the river. There are numerous sites along the canyons for fishing, but no one wants to put the effort into maintain the trails to those sites, then the hours required to check the net and packing salmon out. It seems it’s not worth the effort if we don’t get a ton of salmon per set. I recall some fisherman packing out just a pack board of salmon out, walking miles if the salmon wasn’t processed at an on site smokehouse.
These days it seems we need the nice atv’s, side by sides, and high powered motor boats to get our salmon and winter supply of meat. Maybe we have to range further for access to these hunting and fishing areas.
During hunting season my buddies worked together. All we had were one or two pickups, our rifles and lunch packs. We walked into the bush to get to those site where the moose frequented. If we were successful, many trips by foot on trails and loaded pack boards back to the pickups. Sometimes walking through swamps, across beaver dams. Because of that hard work required, nothing was wasted, but packed out, including the hide if some one was handy for tanning etc. Parts of the gut were not wasted, as the tripe, heart, liver, kidneys, ‘poop tube’, nose, even the antlers and hooves if someone needed them.
All of those places were inaccessible by atv’s, but regardless we didn’t want to make them easily accessible, then the moose and other wildlife would move into area for their protection. Sometimes as we waited quietly, I can hear the atv’s ripping along the trails and roads. It’s not surprising then to see the moose move into even more dense brush to escape the noise and disruption and hunting pressure.

Now in my ‘winter years’ at 73 years of age, I’m not as robust physically, as well as my companions on the river or on the hunting trails. Some have gone to the spirit world, and I have great memories of our time.

Yesterday we attended a Home coming event for our many children, currently in foster care. Thank you to Gitxsan Child and Family Services for this annual event to remind us that we need to do better to raise and nurture our future generations.
Each child in foster care was gifted a bent box, a vest with their crest, and abundant preserved food, salmon and fruit. As I spent the day on our designated seat for our Clan, Gishaast, I felt and witnessed the truly Gitxsan caring and nurturing nature from the matriarchs and Simgigyet. As the children were called up for their vesting and gifts, and returned to their seat amongst the Gitxsan elders and hierarchy, I sensed their curiosity and their pride in their gifts. Children cherishing and exerting their ownership over their gifts, as children do….
As I thought about it more, especially the bent boxes traditionally crafted, no nails or metal in their construction. They were plain, no traditional design, I sensed this was like a blank space for the children to chart their identity through Gitxsan art and ayooks, Gitxsan supernatural identity brought to life everyday through our connection to the land and life forms. When they opened it there was nothing visible in them, but it was that way, so they can fill it with their own medicine, life experiences, and spend a lifetime to do that. Eventually passing a full treasure box to their descendants. That is the Gitxsan way. Although not visible to the naked eye that gulenxh, tradition bent box, was full with spiritual gifts from the crafters. Nature doesn’t like a vacuum, so I don’t believe that gulenxh was empty. It was filled to the brim with love and caring instilled there by the crafters. I witnessed the pride and true caring from those young people that crafted these bent boxes under the tutelage of a Simoigyet and craftsman in his own right.
The vesting ceremony, when the tiny little vest were put on each child I saw a Pdeek, clan, exerting their rights and responsibilities over the life of that child. It maybe symbolism in the colonialist view, but it has relevance in Gitxsan existence….
Well done.

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Over the last week and it seems my whole life I have been swept along by the despair and hopelessness of drug and alcohol additions in my family, kin, and community.

Although I have maintained a sober lifestyle over 3 decades, drug and alcohol addictions is still a very intrusive and debilitating part in my life. I know this because I am witness to it within our household. So I am a part of it as much as I can deny it. I cannot ignore it. The elephant in the room.

The ebb and flow of optimism, despair, hopelessness, all come into this cesspool of emotions, and it becomes difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel. There is no joy or happiness to be found anywhere. Is there a lesson for me here? I am 73 winter on this earth, do I need more lessons? Or is this karma, destiny, fate, what??

I only hope and pray that the Creator will keep us safe from ourselves, and this evil spirit of addictions that grip our families.

I say ourselves, because our reactions to the situation can be counterproductive as we try to move forward to a better place in our lives.

Emotions can become unchecked, loved ones get hurt, physically, mentally, emotionally , and spiritually. We add fuel to the fire, and perpetuate what we are fighting against.

If there is hope…if there is a good outcome, or is this our self made hell on earth that we must experience to move up the scale of spiritual enlightenment. Is this a question or is it confirmation.

The struggle will continue. I hope and pray through ceremony that we all get through this without a loss of life, and we can look back and say….holy fuck….What a trip!!

On a February afternoon in Gitanmaax, an event to remember.

The legacy of the Indian Residential School grips every generation following.

An epidemic of brokeness, rages through the communities, families, extended families, Wilnatahl, individuals goes unchecked.

An awareness began to emerge as the leaders and spiritual leaders began to peel off the layers to expose the source of the collective trauma. As this awareness spread, the question was what to do to begin the healing.

How do you reverse the effects of the continued oppression and genocide? Nowhere in human history has there been a systematic cultural cleansing of indigenous population, was cold bloodedly carried out for over 100 years, as what happened in North America.

The Canadian governments at all levels, in collaboration with the churches under the laws of the day to strip basic human rights from the indigenous population to get control of the land. Moving indigenous people into reservations, so the land will be accessible to white settlers and the natural resources made available to corporate exploitation.

This afternoon, I was invited as support for a cleansing ritual on the Skeena River

This isn’t very common these days as, we depend so much now on conventional, western healing modes.

The Skeena River or in our language , Xsiyehn, has been a life giver and brings life to the laxyip, historical Gitxsan homeland. Legends or Gitxsan Adawaak remind us of this connection.

We must remember our roots and our connection to the land, through our crests, language, culture. Because this is where our spiritual, mental, physical, and emotional balance and harmony lies.

In todays reality, every kind of ailment, challenges to our health and wellbeing is affecting our ohtsin, our spirit, aura. If we neglect our body and spirit, and don’t make time to create balance, our bodies and spirit will make time, so sickness manifests and we then are forced to pay attention.

Today was that time for my friend, and we came to the river.

The journey into the life force of the river did not disappoint.

My friend was in dibilitating pain and discomfort when we assembled by the river. One completion of the cleansing ritual he was amazed at how much better he felt…I was witness to that transformation.

Everything we used, is from the land…